The Project

I am my own project.

Sometimes you just need a complete, personal overhaul.  You somehow, by some miracle, get some serious clarity and make a big decision to improve upon the person you are.

You realize your potential and you realize it’s possible.  It can be done, you just have to come to terms with what it will take to get there.  A lot of work.  A LOT of work.  Like the kind of work you’ve never done.  You know you’ll get frustrated and want to give up, but it’s vital to your being to keep going.  To keep being better.

The struggle ahead seems unachievable but then you throw faith into the mix and you give it your all.  You wholeheartedly bust your ass.

Sometimes you give up.  The disappointment you feel towards yourself is so unpleasant that you stuff it down and lock it away and try to forget where you failed.  But those failures are still there and they just add up, building and building until you never think you can pick yourself up and try one more time.

One more time is never enough but it’s a good start.

Having confidence and believing in yourself is something I envy in others and it’s something I long for myself.  It’s time for that daily pep talk, it’s time for that willpower, it’s time to dig up the strength from wherever it is within you.  You have to live with yourself every moment of every day for your whole life, and you feel you need to make yourself be good company.

The fight and the effort is worth it in the end.  You know what it takes, you know the path to take, you know there will be bumps, but you know you have to keep going.  Giving up is not an option.  Time to get serious.  Time to focus. 

All you really have is yourself.  You deserve to love who you are.

Letting Go

“I wanna let go and know I’ll be alright”

I heard that line in a song today and it resonated with me.  How often do we want to just let go and know that it will be okay to let go?  That we will reach a safe place?  How often would we let go if we knew the outcome would be good and be exactly what we need or want?

It’s hard to let go, especially because we don’t know the outcome. Or maybe we sometimes know the outcome but the letting go is hard because even though we know we should let go, we don’t necessarily want to let go.  Whatever it is we’re holding onto has something attached to it that has a place in our heart and in our memories and in our soul.  That something has rooted itself into our being.

Whether it’s something tangible or not, letting go of something we love or cherish is heartbreaking.  Sometimes letting go of hate is even hard, because you know that letting go may leave you vulnerable and no one really is ever comfortable being vulnerable.  Vunerability is scary.  Letting go of anger is equally difficult because we find conviction in our anger but letting go of anger feels so good.  Letting go of anger is never something one would regret.  How could you regret something that can only make you better?

Letting go of love is probably the hardest of all.  Love is everywhere.  People sing about it, write about it, search for it, even love love itself.  When we know we have to let go of something or someone we love, we know that a certain emptiness will follow.  And that is a hard thing to feel.  We want to be filled up with love, it’s just our nature as humans.

But letting go is rarely a bad thing.  We know we have to let go for a reason.  And we know that in the end, because we let ourselves let go, because we mustered up that strength; that in the end, everything really will be alright.